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The Chinese New Year sees an increase in divorces. Families are reunited and focus on coming together and cleaning their homes and then after the pressure of all that comes divorce!
Here are our top tips for dealing with a divorce in the New Year.
Top Tips for separating in the New Year
January is a time for new beginnings, and once Christmas is over for another year, people start to reappraise their lives and call time on a relationship or marriage. How do you go about this? What practical steps can you take?
1.The Children
Deciding when and what to tell the children is often a difficult topic, so start by thinking practically. This is one of the biggest changes that will happen in their lives. Research how you can help them through it and how best to support them. We have a parenting guide or organisations such as Resolution, Gingerbread and Relate provide useful resources to assist you in these very difficult circumstances.
2. What practical arrangements can be put in place for the children?
If you will be continuing to live together for the immediate future, think about how you can both be involved in the children’s lives. Perhaps think about carving out time for the children to spend with each of you separately each weekend; can you both do some school drop-offs or pick-ups? Can you arrange for each of you to take the children to particular activities during the week or at the weekend?
3. Is one of you moving out?
If you have children, how can things be arranged so that you are both close by? Being geographically close will make practical involvement with the children easier. Think through how this can be managed and afforded. Bear in mind that whatever arrangements are in place might need to last several months, so how sustainable are they? Is it realistic for one person to stay with friends or family for a long period of time?
4. Keep in contact with the children’s school
Make sure that the children’s school, nursery or other carer has contact details for both of you and that you both receive any letters, emails or newsletters that are sent out. If there are informal school email or social media groups, make sure that both parents are involved in these. This will keep everyone informed of what’s happening in the children’s lives, which not only helps on a day-to-day basis with practical arrangements, but also means that the children receive the reassurance of both parents being able to talk to them about the things happening in their lives.
5. Communicate
Find a form of communication that works best for you. Face-to-face is hard, but emails and text messages are easy to hide behind and people can say things and behave in ways that they would not in person. Make use of relationship support services to find a safe space to talk in, if you do not want to see each other alone. Think about whether you would benefit from family or relationship therapy; not necessarily to discuss whether your relationship has a future as a couple, but how you will work together during the divorce process and beyond.
6. Budget
Work out what you need to live on each month. Use bank statements, credit card and utility bills to work out what you spend every month. Identify how much of this is essential and how much is discretionary; don’t forget expenditure that happens only a couple of times a year. How much do you need to spend on a holiday in the summer? What is your budget for Christmas and birthday presents?
7. Know your income and assets
take your time to make a comprehensive list of your bank accounts, assets and property. If you own property, research how much this might be worth. If you have a mortgage, find out how much is left to repay and over what term. Are there are any penalties for early repayment? If you have a pension try to find your most recent statement and contact the pension company for an estimate of its current value. If you work, make sure you have copies of your recent payslips and your last P60 as a record of what you earned in the last financial year. If you don’t work, what sources of income do you have? Are you entitled to child benefit if you will be living separately or any other forms of benefit?
8. Look to the future
Think about how you would like life to look at the beginning of 2018. Start to think about where you might live, even if the idea of moving is a worst case scenario it is good to know the alternatives. Might you have to return to work, increase your hours, or retrain? If so, start to think about what is achievable and realistic.
9. Find a lawyer
it is sensible to have some advice even if you do not want to use a lawyer in the long-term. Find a lawyer who specialises in family law and has the right experience to help you. Make sure that they are a member of Resolution, an association of family lawyers who subscribe to a code of conduct which prioritises a constructive approach. Most importantly, make sure that they are someone you will have a good working relationship with.
10. Treat Google with caution
there is a wealth of information available online. If you are using this as a source of information and/or advice, make sure that the site you are using is reputable and up to date. If in doubt, seek advice from a family lawyer. You will need to live with decisions you make now for years to come, and it is important to get them right.
Separation and divorce can be stressful for all members of the family. Putting the above steps into action will help to demystify and take the fear out of the process.
Preparation will help your separation to proceed as smoothly as possible, protecting your children, finances and quality of life.
Lindsay Jones Divorce lawyer is a Divorce Solicitor, specialist family law and divorce solicitor in Altrincham, Middlewich, solicitors in Holmes Chapel, solicitors in Sandbach, solicitors in Northwich, solicitors in Winsford Cheshire, Cheshire Divorce Solicitor, divorce solicitors Middlewich, solicitors Holmes Chapel, solicitors Sandbach, solicitors Northwich, solicitors Winsford, solicitor Cheshire, Cheshire Divorce solicitors, Knutsford Divorce Solicitors, Divorce solicitors, Family Solicitors, Middlewich solicitors, Northwich solicitors, Knutsford solicitors, Lindsay Jones Solicitor, celebrity divorce solicitors, divorce and family law solicitors Cheshire, online divorce solicitors, lawyer for divorce, solicitor for divorce.